Jack writes

 Hi, everyone.  

It's about time I did another post.  First, thank you all so much for your kind comments when I rang that bell.  

The Vicar's tomatoes are better than mine.

Now for a more important matter.  The Vicar.  As of late she's been reprimanding me for my use of words in the wrong places.  Maybe I'm not learning all the big words she comes out with.  I feel so inferior so I've learnt a few big words (by that I mean more than four letters) so I can at least fire back on the odd occasion when I can get a word in.  Although we talk every morning for 25-45 minutes, I do well to string five sentences together, and I might get some of the words in the wrong places, e.g. I said I was ravishing when she offered me a Christmas dinner.  She's never let me forget it should be ravenous.  On other occasion I've got things wrong and it always gives her great pleasure to berate me when I'm wrong.  She also gets great pleasure when she wakes me up with her phone call.  That doesn't happen very often.

This year all the stuff I've planted in her garden has done a lot better than the stuff I planted in mine and she always goes out of her way to remind me of that fact.

Saying all that, I must let you know that I would miss our chats in the morning and I'm sure the vicar would too.  

I know it goes against the grain for me to be nice but I've got to admit she's always there for anyone who asks for her help, me included.  I lost my wife and as long as I keep breathing I always be grateful for what she did for me

I hope you all keep well and, if my post has brought a smile to your face,  it will make me happy too.  Laughter is better than pills so once again thanks for all your comments not just to me but to my friend, the vicar.

God bless.

Jack

Sometimes all you can do is smile

move on with your day

hold back the tears

and pretend you're OK.

He's been!

Pot placed in a dull bit of garden

 I looked out of my window at 6.55am and saw a man and a dog.  Millie Dog soon came for a treat and a tickle but Jack was a man with a mission.  And a spray.  So he got on with his job.  And Millie sorted me out.

A small corner well used

We had to delay the bacon butty ritual as I was expecting a Sainsbury delivery which arrived about 7.45am so the great man didn't expire from hunger.  Actually, that would be unlikely as he had eaten his first breakfast at home.  The butty was a mere top-up.  Three thick rashers of (butcher's) back bacon in a large bun.  Milly Dog had another treat.  (She'd had her breakfast before she came, too.)

Poppies allowed to grow and Stulch applied

Anyway, the usual whirlwind has been around my garden.  I've been buying Strulch this year (mineralised straw mulch) and Jack thinks it marvellous as it has reduced the need for weeding considerably, it looks good and will bio-degrade.  I am gradually buying shrubs so that there will be less work in future especially as they will be surrounded with Strulch.  

Veg garden.  (Jack - just a few things for planting next time you come!

And then he  did everything else.  He's taken most of the leaves from the tomato plant to encourage the fruits to mature.  He's weeded the non-strulched areas.  He's picked beans (maybe because he fancied a few!) and sweet peas for me.  He's even got a few tomatoes to take home with him.  

How would I manage without Jack!

My beans are better than the one he's grown at home!

I have no idea!

 A couple of months ago I bought a courgette plant.  I asked Jack to plant it and before too long it flowered.  Jack was bemused by the fruits which started to appear but we left it to its own devices.  I kept looking but none seemed ready to pick.  

This evening while I was making my way around the raised vegetable bed something brushed against my leg.  A courgette.  At least two feet long! How on earth had I missed this!  And I have no idea what variety of courgette this is.  Can you help?  I think it is a grafted plant.  Fortunately I bought just one as it appears to be very prolific.

But while I was outside I also picked my first "big" tomato of the season.  I've been eating cherry tomatoes for several days but this is the first full size jobby of 2025.

And at least every other day I have picked a bunch of sweet peas.

Jack tells me his his own garden isn't doing nearly as well as mine.  Tee hee.  Shame about that! 

But thank you, Jack, for doing such a great job with my garden.  A bacon butty awaits your attention.  And I know you have some brilliant leeks which you hope I will turn into soup for you.  

The fruits/flowers/vegetables of his labours

 Jack came yesterday.  I had to go for a rest!

He sorted my vegetable plot and planted my winter broccoli.

We had the first few tomatoes with our bacon butties.

He brought vegetables in for me to use.

He checked the runner beans.

He's given me permission to pick my sweet peas. 

He brought me some roses from his garden.

He checked the roses in my garden and approved of the "Strulch" I bought earlier in the year.  I am allowed to buy more. 

He must have been in a good mood as he allowed me to keep my poppies.  

And he took a dozen savoury ducks home with him.

A picture which has brought me joy.

 I haven't mentioned Jack much recently but this picture has brought me great joy.

He's ringing the bell at the cancer unit to celebrate coming to the end of his radiotherapy treatment.  

And he's coming to sort my garden next week.  Bacon butties and savoury ducks planned.

In disgrace

 I don't suppose it's a surprise to anyone that I am in disgrace with Jack.  He came yesterday.

His first complaint was that I haven't written anything on this blog for a month.  As you can see I have remedied that. 

Then he moaned about the number of plants I had acquired.  There were carrots, beetroot, rocket, tomatoes, mimulus, sweet peas, gazania, salvia, begonia, antirrhinum, geraniums and African marigolds.  So he sorted all of them.  Except the geraniums which I have been growing on and they are still a bit small.  

And anyway he added to the quantity by bringing me a daphne, a cotoneaster and something he couldn't remember the name of.  Fortunately I like surprises.  

He planted up my vegetable garden but we have plenty of room for other crops.  The "snake" is a porous hose.  It's the easiest way for me to water the garden.

He filled pots and beds so that I will have a glorious show in the summer.

And he went home with six portions of home-made soup and twelve savoury ducks.

He can't complain about that.  But he'll find something else.  

That was March

 

The great thing about March is that we have finished with February!  There are more sunny days, less bitter cold, more looking forward, less moping.

My month started with eight days with the lovely Holly-Dog.  (I have been mis-spelling her name.  Sorry, Holly).  She made me very welcome and has invited me for a few days in May.  

I've had quite a few meals out.  Some time ago I made the decision to reduce the number of times I eat out and so make going out much more of a treat.  This month I have had lunch out thrice and brunch once, as well as a couple of meets for coffee.  

I've been swimming three times.  I'm in a group of five who call ourselves Monday Mermaids.  We are all "ladies of a certain age" and we hire a small private pool for an hour.  It's great.

Jack has been twice and made a start on the garden for this year.  He also came with a friend for afternoon tea and with his son for coffee.  Many years ago I conducted the weddings of both his son and his daughter and it's a real pleasure when I see either of them.  

I've been leading a lot of worship as one (non stipendiary) priest has been away on a cruise and another (stipendiary) has been in hospital.  

Happy Birthday, Jack!

 I visited you on Saturday and you seem set for a very good birthday which will last for several days.  I won't tell everyone how old you are but I thought this photograph from four years ago would be OK for today.  You mentioned a pretty good supply of birthday cakes which have been promised so I don't think you'll starve.

It's quite a long time since you first told me that my garden looked a mess and responded to my challenge to do something about it.  I don't regret the challenge - do you regret picking up that particular gauntlet? (or gardening glove?)

We've had very different life paths and I think we've each learnt quite a lot from the other but I'm sure you'll understand when I say I'd rather not learn your culinary techniques.  Maybe you haven't wanted to learn some of my gardening ideas either.  Tough!

I hope you enjoy the present I left for you when I came.  And I'm sure you'll have a lovely week.

Love, The Vicar. XX

February and March

The number of posts I managed in February wasn't exactly stellar.  Just the one.

For me January and February are usually difficult months and 2025 ran true to form.  Early in the month I woke one morning with incredible pain in my leg, worse than when I was waiting for the knee replacement.  Jim and Sheena, one of my cousins, managed to borrow a wheelchair so I could get to the car, and between them they took me to the doctor.  Strong pain killer and physiotherapy.  I felt more than a little light headed while taking pain relief but eventually everything settled down.

That had eased when I had a "digestive episode".  You don't want/need to know any more.  Except that things were a little miserable for several days until that settled.  

So, my post on being OK (which I wrote between these two incidents) was very necessary and hearing that lots of other people are also surviving by being OK was very comforting.  Thank you to everyone who commented.

I have high hopes for March!  I'm starting the month with eight days dog sitting which is going well.  When I get home I am looking forward to pottering around my garden and making a few plans.  Jack and one of his friends are coming for tea one day so I have to be on my very best behaviour and I have high hopes that his friend will make sure Jack is on his best behaviour too.  

The weather here is gloriously sunny at the moment so I may take advantage of that with a couple of days out.

And with good luck and a following wind I may get a few more blog posts written.

I think I must be very good-natured or maybe just a mug

 

Not by Jack - his weren't as neat as this,

Jack and I always exchange Christmas presents.  We have done so for several years.  Some of his to me are unusual - anybody else get a tin of mushy peas and some kettle descaling tablets among the things they received last year?  No?  Then it'll just be me. (He is actually very generous and many gifts are very nice but he would have to admit that some are "unusual".) 

Anyway, Jack likes to buy each person several things.  This all fine and dandy but Jack is not the best present wrapper around.  I'm certain there was a whole roll of sellotape on the things I got last year.  I felt that he might appreciate a little help in the gift wrapping department so I invited him to come for help and a little tuition.

I think it may have been a revelation to him.  I suggested gift bags for awkwardly shaped presents.  We talked about the best sort of paper and how some paper is difficult to use and some are not eco friendly.  He discovered how to use a minimal amount of sellotape and how to attach a gift label.  We explored how to decide how much paper is needed for each present.

He didn't bring his presents for me but he has gone home knowing that their appearance will be his biggest test yet.  I'll let you know.

(He reads this blog regularly so now he knows he's got to do his best!  Tee hee!)

O is for Orchid

 To give me a houseplant is to condemn it to death.  That is a simple truth.

Not mine but it could be!

A few years ago Jack's daughter and her husband asked me to help them re-affirm their marriage vows.   I had officiated at the original ceremony twenty years earlier.  All well and good.

But after the ceremony the happy couple gave me a thank you present.  Which was an orchid.  And knowing my "skill" with houseplants, Jack sniggered.  He knew he would be crowing soon.  

I took it home and googled "care of orchids" and I discovered it would like bright light but not direct sunlight.  So I put it on the bathroom window sill which is south facing but I thought the frosted glass would moderate the brightness of the sunshine.  And I waited for the poor thing to die.  

Roughly weekly I gave it a drink.  I found some drip feed made especially for orchids.  And I ignored any advice which Jack gave me.

I'm claiming crowing rights!

This has Jack's seal of approval

Annie asked me for the recipe for savoury ducks and I am really sorry, Annie, I can't find your email. 

Anyway, I'm publishing this with Jack's approval, gained by making a batch for him. 

Savoury ducks

200g breadcrumbs

200g onions.

500g pig's liver

500 g minced pork

1 tsp pepper

1 tsp mace

2tsp dried sage

 Whizz all the ingredients in a food processor.  If you don’t have a processor you will need to mince the liver before you can mix by hand.

Line a tin with aluminium foil and spread the mixture into it evenly.  Press it down.  Cover with foil.  Cook 180-200C, gas mark 4-6, 350=400F for one hour.  Remove the foil and cook a further twenty minutes.

When cold, cut into squares.  Jack likes them with salad or in sandwiches.  They can be recooked in a rich onion gravy and served hot.  

Sorry about the wide range of temperatures but my oven is rather old and the thermostat is “interesting”. 

When he graciously gave his permission for me to publish this he added this rider. "if you don't enjoy this Jack will have harsh words for you." 

Quack!

My butcher thinks Jack is great!

My butcher has never actually met Jack but he's all in favour of my friend's dietary preferences.   I've cut back a lot on meat-eating, so I don't see my butcher as often as I did.  When I do see him it is to buy minced pork, pork liver and dry cured bacon.  These translate into savoury ducks and bacon butties.

You see, savoury ducks and bacon butties are the preferred enticement for the Lesser Spotted Jack.  He will also come for leek and potato soup but he can't resist a duck.

Last week he came even without a duck, though, so I gave him double helpings of bacon butties.  (By the way, he usually has his breakfast before he comes: the butties are just a minor snack!)

While he was here he sorted the flower bed.  The bacon butties must have been truly wonderful as he allowed the foxgloves to stay.  That is a huge concession.

But he also planted the vegetable garden with tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers carrots, lettuce, beetroot (and a soaker hose).  

And leeks.  They may have been a hint.

From Jack

 

Hi Everyone! 

Today I’ve been to the vicar’s.  This time there wasn’t a list waiting for me, just a forewoman giving me orders. 

We planned for me to go to shampoo the carpets.  The vicar had done a lot of moving stuff into her bedroom.  On arrival a bacon buttie was waiting for me.  After that moving the heavier items began.  Everything I could move went into the kitchen, bathroom and hallway.  First, I went on hands and knees and brushed the edges of the carpet before I used the vacuum cleaner to collect all the bits.  Then I got the shampooer.  I kept moving the three-seater settee and two heavy chairs to where I had cleaned already.

After I finished, I noticed that Mary didn’t look too good, so although she is always kind enough to cook me some dinner, I told her to give that a miss and go and get some rest. 

Some of you may remember the ducks (faggots) she made for me.  A few days ago, she took great delight in telling me they had disappeared from the freezer.  I told her that if she’d given them to anyone outside Britian there would be an international incident.  But wait a minute: who do you think ate my promised ducks?  MARY!!!  How selfish can a person get?  She made some more then texted me to tell me she had eaten them herself! 

Here I am working my socks off, and what do I get in return?  A hole in the top of my head because the vicar left cupboard doors open for me to run into!  Now I’ve got eight holes in my head!

She’s also giving me grief about my pronunciation of words, mainly because I said I was ravishing when I meant I was ravenous. 

Tonight I cooked spaghetti bolognaise with garlic bread and I told her I was becoming a gourmet chef.  I know what she was thinking and it’s a wonder she didn’t text me.  She would have said a gormless chef.  But I forgive her just this once.

I took my best friend and daughter-in-law out for a pub meal and they agreed I out some very funny stuff into my mouth.  When I told my vicar friend she laughed and said that a lot of funny stuff comes out too.  You can go off people!  There was no need for that.  Just because my linguistic skills need honing a little.  I’m just a country boy who went to an ordinary school whereas the vicar went to a posh townie school.  (All of this is just banter: the vicar knows me rather well.)  And I know the Man upstairs loves everyone equally. 

I don’t know if I’ve said too many nice things to the vicar but it’s got to stop. If we’re texting, she always has to have the last word.  In fact, whatever I do she has to have the last word.  That 25-30 minute phone call each morning puts us both in a happy frame of mind.  I’m sure we both start the day with a smile on our faces.

 I hope this post has cheered you all up if the vicar has posted it – after all she’s the typist and editor!

 I’m back at her house in the morning putting the furniture back in its place when the carpet has dried.  Mary will be able to relax in her chair with her pooter and, with a bit of luck, she’ll print everything I’ve written.

I hope you are all in the best of health and the elderly people you know get visited – it means so much to them.  Take good care of yourselves and everyone around you.

Best wishes

Jack

The vicar here, once again having the last word.  Jack gave me this post several weeks ago.  Since then he's cleaned another carpet, had another birthday and taken home another batch of ducks as well as several portions of his favourite leek and potato soup..  He will be able to read any comments you leave but not respond to them

Questions and answers

 I'm going to take a few posts to answer questions starting with one from Jackie.

How did you and Jack meet?

When I was working, my vicarage had a coal fire in the sitting room and Jack had a side-line as a chimney sweep.  That's how we met originally but, as I am sure you realise, nothing is straightforward with Jack.

As he was leaving the first time he told me he always gave a present to his customers.  The first time it was a tin of shoe polish but  subsequent gifts included Winnie -the-Pooh sticking plasters, rum flavoured bubble bath and a bunch of carrots with a knife to scrape them.

Soon after that first visit I went to see an elderly gentlman whose wife had just died and there was a familiar face in the corner.  The funeral was for Jack's mum.

Jack continued as my chimney sweep for as long as I lived in that house but one day I came home and found him waiting to talk to me.  His daughter wanted to get married in the same church in which Jack and Mrs Jack had been married.  I explained the procedure and we shared a cuppa before he left.

As he was leaving he said, "Your garden looks a mess!" so I said, "If you think it looks a mess you do something about it."  And he's been looking after me ever since.  

I conducted the wedding of both his daughter and his son, and the funerals of both his parents and his brother.  Sadly Mrs Jack died during the first lockdown and I wasn't allowed to take her funeral but I did write something for another minister to read.

Bereavement is always hard but it was especially hard during lockdown when the usual sources of support weren't avaiable so I tool to phoning him each morning and we still talk most mornings.

I still make lists for him.  But then again, I still make bacon butties and leek soup for him.  So he shouldn't complain,

But he will.  Even though I gave him a hat labelled "Horticultural Enhancer".

From Jack and Millie

 Hello Everyone,

I thought it was about time I did a post again.    I hope you are all keeping in the best of health and free from all ailments. 

 As you know, the vicar and I don’t agree about everything!  For example, she rang me one morning: we talk every day except Sundays of course as she has other important things to do instead of spending half an hour chatting to yours truly.  This particular morning she interrupted me drying the dishes.  It turns out that the vicar lets hers dry naturally.  I don’t know if she is astute or lazy – you’ll have to make your own mind up on that one.  When I stand at my kitchen sink, I am looking at the main road and I can watch the traffic and the people walking past and some days that’s all I will see.  

When you’ve lived with someone 53 years (my wife died three years ago) and you lose that someone, life becomes very lonely at times.  Thanks to the vicar, I kept my little Shi Tzu, Millie for company.  Millie used to go to my daughter when I went to help people.  Mary, thank goodness, told me Millie would be a big help to me, so I kept her and she’s always by my side. 

 

One thing Mary disapproves of is my cooking.  The first time I tried to make custard to have with my banana, it turned out like scrambled egg.  I was brought up not to waste food so that night I had bananas and custard on toast.

Another night I did myself four of those long German sausages.  I forget what they are called but I told the vicar I’d eaten four Wurlitzers with mustard and onions.  She nearly burst her sides laughing as she explained that a Wurlitzer is one of those huge organs which used to rise up through the cinema floor. 

 

My life wouldn’t be the same if I hadn’t met the vicar all those years ago – there I go being nice again.  She’ll say I’m just buttering her up to make sure the bacon butties and leek soup are always served.  Last time I went she sent me home with three home-made Christmas puddings.

 

I haven’t been so much this year as all the building work was happening in the early part of the year so the garden was a bit out of hand (like the householder!) but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and the garden is coming along nicely.  Mary’s having guests this week so I’ll make sure the back garden is in tip-top order.  She calls that her garden.  I was given the front garden.  That one is very wet and takes a lot of managing but I don’t mind.  She keeps me fed and watered all the time.  One good thing is that there is no longer a list waiting for me.  I think that this being nice to her may have got me into a hole I can’t dig myself out of. 

I hope the Brits among you enjoy the summer (if we get one) and everyone everywhere can make the best of every day.  No-one knows what’s around the corner.  Take care of your neighbours and yourselves.

 

Jack and Millie-the-dog

Millie's mark 
(with love)

Two visitors to my garden

One had to rescue the other!

The amphibian is making his way out of the garden.  The other visitor wants potato and leek soup so will be staying a while.

The restyle begins

Front drive -complete with Portaloo!

 Jack is coming today and today the sorting of my garden begins.

I think I have had the best builders in the world working on the alterations.  They have been so kind and courteous, anxious to make the whole process as easy for me as possible.  I haven't been able to use the drive for several weeks but each time I have parked my car on the street they have been there to carry stuff into the house for me.  It has been difficult for me to get to the wheely bins but they have taken rubbish out for me.  They have appreciated the copious supplies of tea and coffee (and have even remarked on the fact that I always use proper coffee amd posh mugs!) but they have well deserved every mug. 

Back gardeb skate board run!

 

And my neighbours have been great too.  The drive and front path haven't been available to me so my neighbour asked the builders to take a panel out of her fence so I could step through and use her drive.  Whenever I have apologised to any neighbour for the noise, dust and inconvenience they have all said they are delighted that things are being made easier for me.

And now I need to butter up Jack.  There will be a lot to do and I will have a large deficit of Brownie points as I won't be able to cook lunch for him today (I've been invited out so he will moan) but no doubt he too will avail himself of the unlimited tea.

And he too will do his bit to make my garden wonderful.  After he's cleaned the windows so I can see it!

He's back!

 

Hi Everyone

I hope you’re all keeping well.  It’s such a long time since I put pen to paper and, although a third of the year has gone, I’d still like to wish you a Happy New Year.

Firstly, I’d like to thank those who sent me birthday wishes.  It’s so humbling to know I’ve got people all over the word who are kind enough to do so.  My 80^th celebrations started in February when my very good friend the Vicar (it’s not like me to be nice to her but this time she deserves it) took me out for a meal.  Thank you, Vicar!

As you know my birthday was at the beginning of March.  My last meal out was 31^st March.   I had a long and wonderful time made even better by your comments.  Reaching 80 years was so good and my next target is 90.  Some of the gifts I got were bizarre.  Someone sent me an incontinence sheet and a wee-wee bottle. I’m always playing pranks on people so it must have been pay-back time.

I attribute my good life these days to my little dog.  Most days we walk two or three miles.  We see deer, Canada geese, egrets.  The birds are singing and the trees are coming into bud, the crops are growing and the wild flowers are out.  All in all, it’s great to be given such beauty to enjoy.  And it’s all down to the Vicar’s Boss!

On one of my other posts I have told you I’d found a long-lost friend in New Zealand after forty years.  Well, I’ve got back in touch with one of our bridesmaids whom I haven’t seen for a very, very long time.  She’s moved many miles from me.   We met up in a pub and her hubby and my daughter came along too.  I didn’t recognise her but she recognised me.  It was so emotional.  She sent me a photo of herself aged eighteen months when I was fifteen. 

It won’t be long before I post again if the vicar lets me (she’s kind enough to copy this out) - I’m creeping again.

Please look after each other and remember, it’s because of all our yesterdays we can enjoy all our tomorrows.

All the best, Jack

 

The Big Eight Oh!

 I have just put myself in disgrace with Jack for publishing his age.

Tough luck, Jack

But have a happy birthday.