We saw little of each other for about thirty years but when we made contact again we were able to pick up the threads and laugh about our memories. For years we have met for lunch two or three times a year. Last year I was a little uneasy: something was wrong.
Earlier this year she had the devastating news that she has Alzheimer's disease. She's having treatment to slow the advance of the disease but it is incurable. She's aware that her memory is slipping and she realises that sometimes she may behave strangely but she's OK with being "managed". Her husband was unhappy at the idea of her driving to a meeting point (we live about forty miles apart) so I decided to go to her and take her to a pub near her village. We've done that three times this year and it is still a thoroughly enjoyable lunch we share.
Yesterday we were chatting about old friends and members of our extended families. She asked after my sister G and I had to remind her gently that she came to G's funeral fifteen years ago. It was painful for both of us but after a few moments sadness our conversation carried on.
We arranged to meet again early in the New Year. I don't want to leave it long. I know my friend is slipping away and I want us to make the most of each other for as long as we can.
I am so sorry about your friend's diagnosis. It is such a devastating disease. It seems to run in my family and often, when I find myself forgetting a word or what I had for lunch earlier in the day, I wonder if I am getting it, too.
ReplyDeleteI think we all have more memory problems as we grow older.
DeleteIt really is the nastiest and most sad of all diseases. Hope you get that meet up in 2026.
ReplyDeleteI shall make J a priority.
DeleteThree women I have worked with have died in the last few years from Alzheimer's and two were in their late fifties when it became noticeable that something was not right. It’s lovely to be able to spend time with your friend and your shared memories whilst enjoying food together. Catriona
ReplyDeleteI want to cherish what is still there not just mourn that which has already gone.
DeleteYou are a good friend to stand by her in her hour of need. I have known a lot of friends who disappear when the going gets tough.
ReplyDeleteShe would do that and more for me.
DeleteOur lovely friend would ask after our elderly neighbour every time she visited and got upset everytime I told her she had passed away, so in the final few visits I lied and said our neighbour was visiting family. I chatted with her husband and together we decided it was the kindest thing to say.
ReplyDeleteThat time will come with J but at the moment she would want to know.
DeleteI am especially sad for her husband - losing his wife so slowly
ReplyDeleteShe feels sad about that too because she worries about him becoming her carer.
DeleteAlzheimer's is a s*** disease which robs the person and their family. I bet your friend is so pleased you make the effort to keep seeing her. Xx
ReplyDeleteI hope so. I shall make sure I take her out for as long as is possible.
DeleteMy mother had Alzheimer's that became apparent when she was in her mid-80s and in the following 2 years, I learned why it's called "the long good-bye". Sad but I also learned that the best thing you can do (if it's up to you), is to move them to a facility where they're kept warm, fed, safe, and have no worries. Wishing you and your friend well, and she's lucky to have you and your friendship.
ReplyDeleteHugs!
Noy up to me but I shall just be around as long as I can.
DeleteWhat a wonderful way to stay connected and lead her gently on the hard path she will be following. You are a wonderful friend.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
I hope so but I doubt it. Thank you.
DeleteRichard Osman writes so movingly about one of the characters with alzeimers in his Thursday Murder Club books. It's a horrible thing; my father was terrified and distressed that he had developed dementia after his hip operation becausewas still confused and hallucinating from the post-op pain medication.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds very frightening.
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