Did you know that the word "pansy" is derived from the French "pensee" which means a thought? That little vase of pansies and violas has been making me think these last few days. I've been really lazy and I've been sitting just knitting and watching the world go by but I have been aware of being so happy.
It was not always thus for me. For a large proportion of my adult life I have suffered from depression and indeed it was depression which caused me to have to retire early. I have known intense misery which could only be relieved by medication and then healed by time and counselling. I have huge sympathy for those who are truly depressed for I know it is a lonely place and no-one can truly understand someone else's depression. I have known what it is to lack the motivation to do anything and the self loathing which accompanies that inertia. I know that I will always be at risk of that dreadful paralysis and I do not want to go there again.
I know that many people would find my life intensely lonely for I live alone and have no close family. In any week I will always have at least two days (and sometimes as many as five) when I speak to no-one. I am disabled and often in pain and discomfort.
For the last few years however I have increasingly known joy. What is more important though is that I have sought joy and I have found it. There will always be a few days when it eludes me. January and February are danger months for me and I am determined to face that danger head on. I have just checked and there are eighty seven days to Easter so I have decided that I will find each day one source of joy, happiness or pleasure and report it to you